Your Daily Lesbian Moment!

I just posted this on facebook. If you haven't already added me as a friend there, you can find me at facebook.com/dailyarlan!

This piece was easily the highlight of last night's episode of So You Think You Can Dance; my favorite choreographer Mia Michaels' interpretation of *addiction* performed by Kayla & Kupono:


(From www.rickey.org)

I love everything she does, but this performance made me realize what sort of photographer I want to be one day. It's something I can't explain in words...since she often leaves me speechless. Just watch it again and hopefully you'll understand what I mean.

It was great to hear Sara's song being used! It's my favorite of hers...and I'm glad I was able to hear it live in a couple of tiiiiny venues in L.A. before all the *commercial* (no pun) success. Now if they'd only add Susie Suh, Amy Kuney and Terra Naomi to the list of well-placed SYTYCD songs, we could call it a day. Seriously, just thinking of the things Mia could do with Susie's "All I Want," for instance, makes me melt.

Oh and also...Cat Deeley as a pent up all-girls' boarding school director? Yes. Yes please. And also...THANK YOU!

I've posted a couple of (Totally British) Rachel's pieces (here and here) in the past. I think she's brilliant. I envy her talent and am well aware that I'll never...ever...be the writer she is. Thank goodness SHE is:-)

Read every word...soak it in, and tell us what you think of it in the comments. She'll be reading!

Have you ever noticed that the majority of advertising is aimed at women? Make-up, hair-dye, wrinkle cream, clothing catalogues, weight-loss programmes, girls-night-in CDs. We are the consumers. Capitalism weighs on our shoulders and we hold it up, we embrace it, we keep it going. Capitalism taught us we had to look a certain way and care what others thought of us. I feel sickened when I watch the tv now, every advertisement that sells gossip or powders or paints or wonder bras to the nation makes me feel more and more like nothing will ever be enough. Give up now, because you will never look as good as you’re meant to- as a woman. You’ll never be the perfect size because as the years go by, ‘healthy’ changes. ‘Healthy’ gets smaller and smaller, and the protruding bones we used to see as a sign of abuse are now a victory flag. Malnutrition is this year’s fashion. And no matter how many times the media claims it’s fighting back, it isn’t. You don’t make as much money selling food, as you do plastic surgery. While half of the world starves, the other half vomits. We’ve been sold a dream that one day, some man will come to us and fulfil our every want; that we will be completed. Excuse me if I find this a little offensive. The weaker sex- cover us with paint and sell us on the streets.

Women are not allowed to age. Men grow older, wiser, and apparently more attractive. In this society, there is no such thing as an attractive older woman. The Mrs Robinson’s of the world are ignored these days. I have seen perhaps one anti-wrinkle advertisement for men. Cover those eye-bags! Cover those smile lines! Cover any sign you may have lived! Paint that smile on, pluck those eyebrows, shave those legs, don’t forget your underarms, bikini line, and make sure your skin looks the right colour. Is your hair shiny enough? Are you slim in the right places? Do you have CELLULITE?! Don’t worry, there’s a cure in this knife. You can get anything for the right price. Botox, face lift, liposuction, home kits! God forbid you look like you’ve been out all night. Time is your enemy. You need to look good, not just for ‘him’ (whoever ‘he’ turns out to be) but for ‘you’ too (and by you, they mean ‘them’, ‘the others’, ‘the enemy’).

Women are a woman’s worst enemy. Women don’t like women. Women like the approval of men. We use the same judgement that has been applied to us, to judge others. Fat, skinny, ugly, slut, skank. If some girl is dating your ex-boyfriend, she’s a slut. If there’s a female in a band, she’s a slut. A rockstar gets married, the wife is a slut. And if she’s not a slut, then she’s probably too: fat, skinny, ugly, skanky. We use these terms of aesthetics to insult our ‘enemies’ because when it comes down to it, capitalism taught us we are all in competition. We are against each other because we all need to look the best. Because we are fighting for attention, and because we’ve been taught that the only way for a woman to get attention is through her looks. We’ve been set against one another.

And what about women who do like women? Don’t pretend you don’t know what’s coming. We all know what society thinks. Women like women when they can’t get men.

Women are caged animals. Stuck inside staring at a mirror, trying to be sure that the mask is intact, many women will not leave home without that smear of paint. Tribal warriors perhaps, or maybe just children in face-paints, maybe just actors in costume. Women have been taught that the real them is not good enough. The real them is something that needs to be changed, needs to be hidden. There is a whole section of make-up advice dedicated to ‘the natural look’, because god forbid anyone see you in your actual natural state. In this century, the ‘natural look’ is one of make-up and hair straighteners. Because nowadays, you’re considered strange if you don’t wear make-up, talk about boys, file your nails, wear pretty dresses, and flirt to get what you want. You aren’t considered to be ‘girly’. You aren’t good enough for your own gender. You are an in-between and a failure.

‘Women’ are the embodiment of consumerism and capitalism at it’s most manipulative stage. We have been taught to bend, to be moulded like clay into whatever society deems fit for us to be. As the years go by, the mould we’re trying to fit into gets smaller, more complicated, and more towards the impossible. But we’ll keep bending. Because we believe it’s the only way to be.

*swoon* Seriously, Rachel, I speak on behalf of my entire readership: will you marry us?

A few weeks ago, the crazy folks at Colorado Springs PRIDE invited me to emcee the event this year! I'm extremely flattered, confused, honored and nervous:-D I'm bringing along a few friends (Lisa, Johnny & Terra!) and I can not wait to share my PRIDE with the good people of Colorado Springs.

If you can make it, definitely come hang with us. I'll need all the support I can get!



THANKS AMY!!

Watching the BET Awards last night, I realized two things: 1. If Beyonce put out an entire album in Italian, I'd buy it. and 2. DAYUM, there are some hot women in R&B.

I mean DAMN. Honorable mentions go out to Beyonce's leotard/nightgown situation, and Alicia Keys speaking voice, dreamy eyes, luscious lips and blatant homosexuality. Let me know if I missed anyone who was there last night, and we'll add her to the list!

Cassie

(AP Photo/Chris Pizzello)

I didn't even know Cassie was there until afterward, but thank god she was. Seriously, look at her. She could be one of us RIGHT NOW. Without any sort of lesbian bootcamp or anything. We'd just need to stand her up, point her in the direction of a hot chick and pull the string in her back, and I guarantee you, her instincts would know what to do next. And *here's* hoping I'm the chick we point her in the direction of.


Taraji P. Henson

(AP Photo/Chris Pizzello)

Ok so she's not an R&B star, per say. But she sings, right? And I'm sure she has both rhythm and blues. And it was the sight of her backless dress that first made me think to do this post. So thank you, Taraji's...backless...dress! Plus, she played Brad Pitt's mom in Benjamin Button, so that means she prolly met Angelina Jolie. Which also means, they probably totally made out in my dreams. Points!

Keyshia Cole, left, and Monica

(AP Photo/Chris Pizzello)

MONICA!! I love her. Have always loved her. Will always love her. And baby was looking FINE last night. You see, she even made me talk like I'm back in high school and "baby was looking FINE" is still current slang. That's the effect her skintight (mmmm) outfit has on me still hours after seeing it for the first time. And she can sang...and she looks like THAT when she's sanging...and...and...


Ciara

(AP Photo/Chris Pizzello)

Now I'm working on my positivity, and being grateful for life and for people and for talent, etc. So it pains me to say this: Ciara's "Heal the World" was um...wack? Did that word go out in 1995? Yeah. But it was. She prolly knows its, so its OK. She tried. Her heart was in the right place. AND she was dressed super appropriately during the song. I loved that. If only she could be seen and not heard last night. It's OK, I'll just run through a few notes with her and we'll do riffs and um...some other musical words...to help her on her vocals. Then she can teach me how to dance, perform, write, and choreograph like she does. Anyone remember "Like a Boy"??? That ish was CRAZY good. It's official: all is forgiven. And thank you for that dress you arrived in!


Keri Hilson / Zoe Saldana


Now that buttery goodness of Zoe and Keri was just too much to capture in a single photograph. You needed moving pictures to really start to understand. I want to know who these people's trainers are, their nutritionists, their mama's, their preachers...everything.

Cause again I say: DAMN.

And thank you. All of their left and right boobs.

(If you don't read a word I've typed here, or if you disagree with everything I'm saying, at least watch this. This fan video was made 2 years ago...and I think its the perfect tribute today.)


Yesterday I mentioned on Facebook that I had a lot to say about Michael Jackson's life and death, but that I wasn't sure it was appropriate for me to blog about it. I didn't want to come across like I was exploiting it in any way, like I feel a lot of the media/bloggers are doing. But I got a lot of positive feedback saying it was OK to speak my mind, so I will.

First of all, I have to get this off of my chest: my heart goes out to the hundreds (or thousands?) of people in Iran who have been killed over the past few days. I hope this, N. Korea, Darfur and the rest of the world's injustices will get back into the forefront of the news ASAP.

...and back to Michael: I have so many thoughts going through my head about this. Hopefully it will make sense to you. If nothing else, it helps to vent about it. I'm really touched by how MANY people are affected by his passing. Whether you know it or not, or whether you want to admit it or not, his life has most likely affected yours in some way or another. There are people out there right now who live and breathe Michael Jackson. I personally believe these people have an unhealthy devotion to him, and I pray (or whatever my equivalent would be...haven't figured it out yet) that these people do not harm themselves in any way.

Because I feel that he is finally now at peace, I'm not one of those people who shed a tear when he passed, or who is having trouble dealing with it. But I do recognize the impact he's had on me over the years. If I wrote a list of the songs and the videos and the events that he helped create that were part of my own history, this blog would go on forever.

But I'd like to talk more about him personally, than his music/talent. I personally believe that Michael probably engaged in inappropriate conduct with children. I don't think he was a predator like most, and I don't think he inflicted any physical pain. And it probably was more of isolated events involving cuddling, etc. Inappropriate, but not graphic. I think he was a broken human being who was stunted at an early age, and as a 30, 40, 50 year old man, truly thought he was 10 years old.

I think he was abused physically by his father for years, which already started the process of creating a broken man. Then he was exposed to sexual acts WAY too early. I remember hearing about a time when he was forced to hide under a bed and listen/watch one of his older brothers have sex, because his father thought it would make him "more of a man." I guess he'd been too sweet a child, and his father was worried he'd grow up to be gay.

This was more abuse. And its definitely a HUGE debate whether or not someone should be pardoned for abuse if they were abused themselves. That's HUGE. There will never be a right answer. Even within myself, I'm torn. Chris Brown said he was abused by his father and watched his father beat his mother. Michael Jackson was abused. Why can I understand Michael but not understand Chris? It makes no sense to me, and I'll probably be trying to figure this one out for the rest of my life.

I just think that Michael snapped at an early age. He snapped from physical abuse, from horrific mental/emotional abuse from his father, from pressure, from being one of the most well-known people in the WORLD before the age of 16, from having all the money in the world before he could vote, from ridicule, from praise...from everything.

I've always related to Howard Hughes. Not sure if you know much about him...he was who the Leonardo Dicaprio film "Aviator" was based on. And if you've seen any of his documentaries...it's fascinating. He was a genius. He was also entangled in his own insanity for most of his life. He suffered extreme OCD, as I think Michael must have. He was slowly going mad just as he was reaching the height of his fame.

Michael reminds me a lot of Howard Hughes.

And finally, his appearance. I truly believe Michael Jackson had Body Dysmorphic Disorder, severe OCD, suffered from physical, mental, and sexual abuse, and was EXTREMELY addicted to pain killers and opiates.

Anyone who's ever had an addiction to anything--especially chemical--knows how hard it is to stop. And if someone is feeding that to you every day and never telling you to stop, and if you're in SO much emotional pain every day because you've gone mad, this is what happens. Michael is what happens.

It confuses me as to why the Wayans Bros. are sending their condolences to the Jackson family. They've made fun of that man for nearly 20 years, first with In Living Color and then in some of their latest films. A lot of the reaction from people who made fun of him his whole career surprises and confuses me.

And the people who make fun of his death, I'll never, EVER understand. Those people should just keep their mouths shut if they can't find a respectful thing to say. They're entitled to their opinions (and to voice them, unfortunately), but would you say the same thing about a handicapped person who'd recently passed away? About a person with cancer? Because these things couldn't be helped once they started, and neither could Michael's afflictions. To me, it's the same thing.

The title of this blog post will probably offend a lot of people. And it is not my intention to make anyone feel worse about this. I just think we should own up to it. If you have ever laughed at a joke at Michael Jackson's expense, you contributed to the deterioration of his spirit. It's just true. I'm guilty of it. I don't know many people who aren't guilty of it.

But I hope that what we can do now is not take people for granted. If for a MOMENT over the past 24 years the world treated Michael the way MTV has been treating him for the past 24 hours, he might still be here.

Tomorrow is not promised. Cliche' as it may be, it is TRUTH. We have to stop breaking each other down. We have to stop with the cattiness and the negativity just for negativity's sake. You're going to treat your friends and family with respect. That's (hopefully) a given. But how about the strangers you pass by every single day of your life? How about the people you get SO angry with for driving "too slow" so you can't make that important appointment...that you won't think about a week later.

When I was in 5th grade, our teacher gave us all one sheet of paper. She told us to carry it with us over the following 24 hours, and each time something hurt us: we were called a name by a bully, or we were made fun of for any reason, or we were disappointed by someone, jealous, angry, etc--we were to tear a piece of the paper off. And the tear should be the size of the pain.

The next day, almost everyone--every 11 year old, mind you--had a TINY piece of this paper remaining. EVERYONE. The ones with the expensive clothes. The ones who got the best seats at lunch because everyone wanted to sit with them. The white ones. The black ones. The hispanic ones. The asian ones. The middle eastern ones. EVERYONE had gone through so much pain over the past 24 hours. This is what they felt like each day.

And we did this to each other.

We can start today putting those pieces back on. We can repair the damage starting today. Small things, big things. Just an effort. The easiest and most affordable thing you can do for a stranger to help us ALL heal?

...Smile. :-)

-Arlan

Learned this in memory of one of our greatest recording artists....and a tragic example of the way we love to chew people up and spit them out, build them up and tear them down....RIP Michael. Sorry your life was so painful. -Terra